Innocuous,
scientific space, as alive or inert as I am.
Drifting upward.
Let's look at the moon. Earlier she had been daring her
eyes to turn away from it, as the somber face it afforded, was
holding her eyes, like pale embers, hypnotically.
|

I
put on my best clothing, and powdered my face, and even
carefully penned in my lips, as if I might be going to a
talent show out there, rather than just a walk, a very secret
walk, in the woods
*
* * * *
Illustration from Surrealizations
|
What will
I feel tonight? The mind, working over itself, like a machine
She told
herself to stop staring off into space. Keep moving along
the path of fallen branches. But the mind, the mind continued
to stare at this one patch the mind through those
eyes, the thick cat-eye glasses and onto a fuzzy black patch two
or three feet to the side of the dim path.
At
an even height with her eyes
Where
oily shimmering eyelids remained still as fallen petals from a
lily, a meaty flower then flickered, as if blinking.
If
I can focus more
on the irises of eyes glowing orange
like a radio dial, like the cathode rays inside
the cathode tubes.
And It
stared back, with the crease between Its lips growing wider,
a shadow darker and more intense than the ordinary shadows. Soon
the gaping space was glowing with an irritating and absolutely
lavish darkness. (So irritating, Barbara thought, because
I try to focus on it, but it doesn't make sense
unless
I decide to make sense of this later, and just enjoy how lavish
this is right now
I should be going
With you
into another life.)
"Barbara
Kelly, Graduate of Moxee High School, Nineteen-Fifty-Four"
And this was
what the voice said, also irritating because the voice didn't
seem to be coming out of any mouth. Irritating to the very
crennelations of her brain! (Yet the idea of it is astounding
that it is actually resonating from the tree trunks
or at
least in my delusion, in stunning and detailed, down to
the mosquito-sound, clarity
)
Not only
was the voice resonating from the trunks of trees, the soil beneath
her feet, inside her feet, in the air which had grown as still
as the perfumed air in the bedroom that safely awaited her so
far away
it was returning, in a density, to the area
of the speaker's lips.
Barbara wondered
if she should respond to the being. She wondered if responding
would in some way commit her to a sort of adventure, or loss of
her soul, which could never be reversed. Well It is here,
her logical mind conceded; subject to some constraints
of space and time as to be able to be concentrated in front of
me, and moving, and It knows my name, and how I'd kick
myself forever for not finding out why
So
I might as well talk to It
"I haven't
graduated yet" Barbara said. Her voice was pushed across
her tongue, forced out of her, seeming like aeons from word to
word. (Am I this scared? I must sound stronger!) Her mouth
like an unwanted grand piano.
It
probably knows better. Can see through my brave little act
"It's
only fall" This was Barbaras defiant stroke. "I don't
graduate until next June
in Nineteen-Fifty-Four. You
talk," her imaginative mind started spinning, "as if to you, Nineteen-Fifty-Four
has already happened."
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